We go through life making one decision after another, some decisions are bigger and some are smaller but we make them everyday, from what to wear, what to eat to what we want from life and how to find happiness.
Often, there are choices to choose from. Sometimes, we can only make the best out of what we have but there are times that we don't even realize that we are allowed to choose something else other than from the options presented to us.
Recently I was talking to a friend and we touched upon the topic of relationship and my friend mentioned that it's better to be alone than in a toxic relationship. Which I totally agree. While we continued talking about other things, it only struck me later that, for some people, those are the only 2 options they see, either a bad relationship or being alone. What about a good relationship? Why can't that be an option?
Some people are happy to be on their own to be able to do everything they want, I get it. We all have our unique paths to walk and for some souls, family or even long-term relationships might not be in the agenda, so I totally understand the soul choice and I'm not here to judge. But other than that, there are times when we have the right to choose. There are things that are supposed to happen because the souls have chosen to experience it in this life time, and there are things that probably shouldn't happen, but not everything always goes as planned because of this thing called 'free will', the personality in this life time can still choose to align with the soul plan, or not. And then there's the gray area in between, which means, it's ok if it happens, or if it doesn't happen and it's your choice, choose what you want!
Now, let's get back to the relationship example. Let's say you were in a bad relationship and now you have to choose. A lot of people would agree that it's better to be alone than in a toxic relationship. But does it mean that's your only option? Let's say after that bad relationship, you're alone. You are happiER, which is great, but if you could also choose to be in a good relationship, then would you? What if, you could heal from that relationship, learn the lesson you need in this life time and then you are free to ask for someone else, someone compatible and someone good for you? Would you want that? If your answer is 'No' because you finally see that you really are happiest on your own, then good for you. If your answer is 'Yes', then let me ask you this: Did you even realize this was an option? However, if your answer is 'No' but it's because you're so hung up and hurt and you don't think you'll ever get a relationship you deserve then I suggest healing. This, to me, says that you either are stuck in pain that you don't see anything good coming for you or you have the limiting belief that you don't deserve the good relationship, anyone else can have it but you.
We tend to do this with many things in life, we make a decision based on which option is less damaging, when there could be more options, we can create our options. Let me give you another small example. Sometimes, I want things a certain way, call me a control freak if you will, but I like certain things a certain way and when I can't seem to find exactly what I want anywhere then I make them myself, when I can. Take food, for example, I enjoy cooking, I love sharing food with people I care about but I actually started cooking because I wanted a certain thing to taste a certain way. I started cooking when I went to study in Bangkok, while it is in Thailand, just like Songkhla, my hometown, the food in central Thailand can be very different from what we have in the south and I missed certain dishes or just the certain ways those dishes are made. So I started learning to cook what I liked.
Similar with jewelry. There were times when I couldn't get anything to match my outfit or then I found something but it was too expensive. When I started beading, I found my freedom! I don't bead so much anymore because I still have plenty of what I've made over the years but I also know that whenever I need it, I can create something. These days when I bead, it's more because I want to wear certain crystals on me for the extra energy support they give. I can choose to create whatever suits my purpose, which gives so much freedom and flexibility.
While we don't have to start making everything from scratch, we do need to realize that we have choices, even the ones we don't think of. So, instead of asking ourselves 'what are my options?' or 'what choices do I have?', the question should be 'what do I want?'. And from there figure out how to obtain and/or maintain it. Instead of choosing the least damaging choice, how about asking ourselves what makes us happy? Oh and please don't start the 'happiness-is-the-state-of-mind, no-one-and-nothing-can-make-you-happy, only-you-can-do that' thing. Yes, I agree with that, not going to argue, but that's a slightly different matter. What I'm talking about here is along the lines of 'getting to do what you enjoy makes you happy and not being able to do it makes you unhappy', that kind of thing. Once you see that you don't have to choose from the obvious choices, you see more opportunities. Once you see that you can choose something else, whatever it is that makes you happy then you don't feel limited or restricted anymore. You can then begin to create and shape your own future. So ask yourself what you want and work your way from there!