We Often Think We're OK, But Are We Really?
Updated: 4 days ago
Time and time again when I ask people how they're feeling, I often get 'I'm OK', 'I'm fine', or 'Everything is alright', when I know they're not. Only after a while of talking do I get the truth of what is really going on. And can I blame them for their first response?
I do understand that most of us wouldn't go around telling our life stories to complete strangers when we're asked 'how are you?'. I wouldn't, either. Our life situations are personal and we want to share them with close friends and family, if we want to share them at all. This is natural... well, unless we really are in need of ranting, and some people find it easier to talk to complete strangers, or then, some people like seeking attention so asking them if they're ok only gives them the opportunity to tell us things to show how miserable they are and that they are victims of their own lives. Believe me, I have met those, too. And most of us don't want to be that attention seeker, so all the more reason for us to keep things to ourselves.
A lot of us are also taught to be strong and not to discuss our issues because it shows weakness. Nothing can be further from the truth! It takes a lot of strength to admit that we're not okay, that we are troubled and we might not even know what to do. Sometimes, it's even harder to see that we're not okay, because we don't see the whole picture so even when we sincerely think we are OK, we might not be. I'm sure you know the story of the boiling frog. If you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump out, it will notice the big difference and would go out of harm's way. But if you slowly heat the water, the frog wouldn't notice the change of temperature until it's too late.
Unfortunately, many of us are like that frog. We slowly get accustomed to various situations and we think we can make it, we're fine and we will be alright. Then we keep trying without seeing that what we need is to get out of the situation before it's too late. Even then we still think we're alright. We just don't see the bigger picture. It is really hard to see ourselves and sometimes, it takes someone else to notice and help us realize where we really are mentally and emotionally. I'm saying this for myself as well as for many others I have met. I have been there, too. I thought I could still stay in the situation, fix it, push it, make it work and it took someone close to make me see I was on a fast lane to depression. Like I have mentioned before, life happens and being a healer only means that I'm equipped with tools to facilitate healing but I still needed to see that I needed healing, which, unfortunately, I didn't. It took someone else to see it and only then I realized that something needed to change. This was before I decided to use my healing gift to help people.
I might have mentioned earlier somewhere that, for a long time, my interest in the metaphysical, in healing and spirituality was more of a lifestyle than my life's mission. I didn't even realize that it would be my calling. It was just part of my upbringing and my life. Until I had to really pick up pieces of myself. And then I realized that I could help others, too. Of course, there are life lessons to learn, things to go through, there is no other way. Life happens. But it doesn't mean that you have to suffer alone. It doesn't mean that you cannot or are not allowed to get help. Getting help and healing does not make your path of personal growth less noble.
I personally believe that it does take a humble person to admit that they are still human, they need help every once in a while. It takes a lot of awareness to see the situation we are truly in. It takes humbleness and strength to admit that we do need help sometimes and actually ask for help. We are not designed to be completely isolated. There might be individuals who prefer living alone in a forest, meditating in a cabin and have zero contact with the outside world and that may be their paths in this life. In general, however, we need to learn to live together. We give and we take. We receive help and we help others when we can. There is no shame in getting help, trying to heal yourself or your life because you are trying to improve things, make things better and once you're happier, you can help others, too. You can do your inner work and still get help to accelerate the process. There is no need to suffer more that you already have, is there? In fact, if we want sufferings in the world to end, if we want to raise the vibration on this planet, we are going to have to stop our own sufferings at some point because we all have a small contribution to that collective energy. Hoping for a happier world while not letting go of one's own suffering and pain just wouldn't work. In fact, that is why a lot of people don't heal. They say they want to be happier but when you show them a way to let go of their pain, they wouldn't do it. They would rather hold on to the familiar pain than to step into the unknown but happier self.
I have also met people who glorified their sufferings, feeling like heroes to suffer so much without accepting help from others. Is that necessary? Does it really help anyone? If I hadn't accepted help along the way in my life, where would I be now? If I hadn't done everything I could to help me heal, would I be helping others heal right now? And would that help anyone at all if I kept suffering and showing the world how terrible life could be? And would it really be better if I had chosen to 'be strong and suck it up' (because only losers ask for help, as someone once said to me, which I strongly disagree)? Where would I be now? Would I really be happier and would it really be better for everyone around me?
Speaking of asking for help, I cannot just ignore the fact that a lot of men tend to think they shouldn't ask for help. I can't say I understand male species very well but from what I've noticed, they do keep things to themselves and don't often ask for help. I don't know how they are wired or how they operate. But sometimes, I do wonder if they are just avoiding looking at the problem because then they would have to admit certain things to themselves. Maybe they just don't know how to handle it emotionally so they'd rather not talk about it? So when a guy says he's okay, to me, it seems like it can mean anything from really OK, to 'I'm not dying at this instant...yet...'
This got me thinking, it's one thing to not see that we're not OK. It's another thing not wanting to admit it. Even if you're a private person and you don't want to tell people your problems, you can still admit it to yourself that something needs fixing. Because only with awareness comes the solution. If you're not even aware you have a problem, you'll never think about fixing it. And for me, this is all spiritual work is about, being aware of oneself. Once you are aware, once you know yourself, you can choose what to do next. It starts with awareness.
I'm not encouraging you to whine non-stop every chance you get and to everyone you meet. Because sometimes, overdoing it just keeps you stuck in that energy. The more you focus on something, the more you attract it so I'm not telling you to keep going on and on about the same pain and stay stuck in the memories of the pain. That is not healthy, either. What I'm saying is, we should be able to at least admit to ourselves that we're not OK when we're really not and then we can work on the issue, to finally let go of it. Avoid seeing the problem doesn't solve it. In short, see things as they are, and if something needs fixing, then that would be the next step to take. In the end, it starts with us, with our own self awareness. We can help the world become a happier place just by becoming happier, ourselves. If everyone does their part, then the world would definitely become a better place to live in.
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